Who Am I Really?

I was asked this past week to sum myself up in a few words to people that have never met me before. I gave the typical answer of what I thought I wanted others to know about me. However, on my way home that afternoon it hit me what I am in two simple words. I am a PEOPLE PLEASER! I have a terrible time saying no. I am constantly doing things for others but find it very difficult to ask for help in return. I do what others ask me to do. I go where others say I should go. I worry about what other people want and need. I rarely spend time doing things for myself and when I do I am constantly thinking of how I can help someone else. Quite frankly it's EXHAUSTING!! I have come to the breaking point. My body is tired, my mind needs a break, my heart needs to recover from one, and my soul continues to yearn for the one thing that I know will never be disappointed in me. 

In Sunday School this past week, Nick asked the kids to write down something that they hated. He was getting at things like chores but my mind could not get away from the fact that I hate to fail. I hate to fail others mostly. I will do whatever it takes so that someone else is not disappointed in me. Especially those that are close to my heart. I put so much pressure on myself that I don't even enjoy the things that I once did because I hate to see them end up any less than perfect. I know that I am not perfect and I hope that I do not come off that way, but on the other hand that is exactly what I strive for. Have I become a hypocrite? How can I tell students that it's okay to mess up when I am trying for nothing less than perfection? 

Doing things for others is something that I love to do and it is how I show that I truly care for them. But taking it to the extreme has cause much pain and exhaustion. I have become so stressed out trying to make sure that others are taken care of that I have lost myself in the mix. 

My first step has to be saying no to something/someone...Who/what will it be? If it is you or something that you ask me to do then I am sorry in advance. Please understand that I cannot continue living like this. But don't let it keep you from asking.